whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
