so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Ketchup is God's man juice
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize