Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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