I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
