I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
