I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
