There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
