my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize