6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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