sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
