Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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