I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
