Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
