There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
