Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
