First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
