I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
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