I'm gonna have a badass scar
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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