Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
