Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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