His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize