If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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