the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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