I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
