wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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