Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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