He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
