y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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