ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize