paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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