I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
