The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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