I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
