'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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