I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i've created a new STD.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
