Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
