I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Boobs speak an international language.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
