Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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