i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
