i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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