i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Boobs speak an international language.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
