I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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