dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
