He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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