Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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