there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
