FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
