i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
