I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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