our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
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He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
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I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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