Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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