i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He keeps bees of course he's weird
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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