I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
