Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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