my phone cant type all the emotion im having
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
