what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
