She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
