may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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