just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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