I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
