He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Let's get the cat blown out
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
