i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
