so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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