So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
