textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
