She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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