omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
