i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
