he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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