Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
