With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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