I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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