Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he thought i was a dude.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
