Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
