I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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