so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just had sex on a roof
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
