benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
