I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
