I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
