Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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