they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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