I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
