New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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