Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
