They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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