Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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