Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
