Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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