The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
